By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
