why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
