i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize