Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
