In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
