She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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