Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Congratulations! We have a period
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And then he peed in my hair
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