Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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