That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
