Your face is a jimmy john
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
