So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
