Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
