her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
