I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
