There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I stole a fireplace last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
