WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
