dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just cut my nipple shaving
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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