You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
