It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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