How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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