She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
