My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
