I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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