I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
