mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize