This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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