I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day