Can i not drive my cunt home
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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