you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad