You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked