If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i am craving dick and cupcakes