The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
