sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
