Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
