I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
