it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
