If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
