five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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