Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
