i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
