Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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