two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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