i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
