I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
