Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
