I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I cut my penus on the lid.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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