her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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