I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
