nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
operation have a gay friend backfired
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
