ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
