am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
