My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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