How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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