i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
