I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
