I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
