obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
