Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
