I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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