Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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