Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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