drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
