so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
