Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
