I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
