he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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