I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
