You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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