I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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