Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
