Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
