I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
