Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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