some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
