You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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