pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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