i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
